Proposal Insights

Finally, my proposal is complete...for the most part.  I presented my proposal yesterday to classmates, and it was an informative experience.  It was another good practice run for my prospectus defense (scheduled for Monday!) in terms of knowing how to pace myself and read body language on which topics need clarification without having to ask questions.  It was also a unique experience to practice presenting my project and my specialty, special education, in an interdisciplinary way.  Since class a few weeks ago, I've been quite proactive about making my research more interdisciplinary because I want it to extend to many fields and be readable and interesting to different professionals.  I've come to the conclusion that being interdisciplinary=helping more people.

becoming interdisciplinary

The biggest feedback I received on my proposal presentation was that I need to make it more clear whether or not I will be implementing an intervention with the actual residents at the home.  This answer to this is: I will not.  I will simply be providing a thick description of the current situation at Karuna Home and participant observing to determine capability levels and instruction while volunteering at Karuna.  So this is something I need to adjust in my (a) presentation, (b) prospectus, (c) IRB application, and (d) ISP proposal.  Something I've found rather annoying through this process of being a graduate student with a prospectus and a student in an international study prep course is making sure all changes happen on all documents.  There are so many!

Overall, I'm happy to see the progress being made in my project.  I'm only getting closer to a real product, which is exciting.  I've spent all of my time researching literature and methods, and a little time was reserved for cultural research, but now I really get to dive deeper into the actual location I'm going to in more logistical ways.  Here's a better way of saying that sentence: it's time to pack.  I can picture the trip as something real now, which only adds motivation.  Before it was too overwhelming to seriously expect myself to write a prospectus, proposal, IRB app, fellowship app, and so on in addition to going to a foreign country and actually carrying out my plans.  Now that I've completed a lot of the big steps, I can face the bigger picture with more reasonable anxiety and excitement.
Proposal complete.

prospectus defense

The pressure has really been on the past few weeks for me to submit my application to the IRB.  I've felt really uncomfortable about it, and so of course very nervous about running out of time for approval, as my application will go full board and require additional reviewing time.  When I'd sit and envision the weeks to come and a day where I defend my prospectus, I thought it impossible.  I have all these classes to attend, so much homework to catch up on,  a proposal to complete,  and three presentations to prepare for that will occur this week.  Oh and by the way I teach special education classes full time to individuals with severe disabilities.  In addition to this, my two aunts from Colorado and San Francisco showed up this week and I really wanted to see them while they were here.  I was feeling like I was just running through one deadline to the next, barely making it before tripping or running out of breath or something.  I'd just finished a graduate research fellowship application as well as a few other applications, my course contracts, and IRB draft.  Here's the main idea to this nonsense: I was bushed.

Somehow, though, (1) I've sort of prepared for the presentations to come, (2) my proposal got polished up and just about finished, (3) I saw my wonderful aunts during convenient times like when it was time to eat meals, and (4) miraculously I've scheduled my prospectus defense which will take place next week.  On Friday just before class I submitted my prospectus to all of my committee members.  I'm terrified about the actual defense, but also pleased as punch.  I sort of skipped myself around BYU on the way back home.  I have a little bounce in my step because things are moving forward.  

In the end, I'm really grateful this field study pushed me so hard early on to get solid drafts of my project in the form of a proposal.  I think it's a big reason I've been able to pull off other things with so many deadlines and pressures.  I had a good foundation for my prospectus, fellowship applications, and so on.

I'm tired.

Proposing, Prospecting, Scholarship Applying, IRB Submitting

Currently I am in several processes that seem interrelated, but end up being more of a hassle because of the seeming overlaps.  I'm proposing to the ISP office, prospecting to the Counseling Psychology and Special Education Department, applying for scholarships through several offices, and working on the IRB.  The proposal and prospectus have similar components, but then one requires serious detail in an area that the other doesn't, and vice versa.  It's tricky to be sure that I have all required components for both "proposals."  The same applies to the scholarships I've been applying for.  I feel like I'm writing 4-5 different essays at once, but all for the same end...which can be frustrating, confusing, and often times sort of embarrassing.

 Ever since high school I've felt really embarrassed about applying for scholarships and applying for jobs, programs, etc.  The requirements of listing academic and other merit are the part I've always struggled with.  It's not that I'm claiming I have this overwhelming sense of humility as much as it's just this mental thing about writing my merits down.  I understand that I have merits, and I'm glad about them, but writing them down in a fancy way with big graduate school words sort of begging for money makes me feel embarrassed.  It's a small price to pay, of course, in the event I'm awarded money.  But for this month, I feel overwhelmed with the frustration, confusion, and embarrassment mentioned above.  I wish I could just pull from a file called "bragging file" and submit it every time without having to make sure I've fulfilled special requirements for each application.  And in the end it looks like I've officially complained about being embarrassed about applications in writing.  I'm not to happy about that either.  Hopefully the process of applying and proposing will end soon and yield successful results.